"I Used to Have a Career” — When Work Feels Like a Detour

Ever found yourself avoiding the question, “So, what do you do?"

Ever found yourself avoiding the question, “So, what do you do?” It’s such a simple question, but it can bring up a surprisingly complex mix of feelings — especially when your answer doesn’t quite match what you used to do, or what you hoped you’d be doing by now.

Maybe you’ve taken a job that doesn’t reflect your qualifications. Or you’re working reduced hours in a role that’s more about stability than growth. Maybe you’ve stepped sideways or backwards, or put your career on pause for a while. Whatever the reason, there’s often this quiet, nagging sense that you’ve stepped off your path — and that other people might notice.

It’s not just about the job title or the tasks you do each day. It’s about identity. For a lot of us, our work is closely tied to our sense of purpose, contribution, and value.

It gives us something to say when we’re introducing ourselves. It helps us feel accomplished. So when that shifts — even for good, practical, intentional reasons — it can feel like something has been lost or that we’ve lost ourselves a little in the process.

I’ve spoken to many people who carry this quiet guilt. They say things like, “I used to have a career,” or “I’m just doing this for now.” There’s often a downplaying of what they do, an apology in their voice, even when they have made thoughtful choices based on what matters most to them in this season of life. It’s as if stepping out of the fast lane, even temporarily, means they’ve somehow failed — even though they know, rationally, that’s not true.

But here’s something we don’t talk about enough: careers are not meant to be tidy. Life happens. Priorities shift.

Sometimes we take jobs that support our wellbeing, allow us to care for family, or give us the space to manage something behind the scenes. Those choices might not look impressive on LinkedIn, but they’re deeply valid. They’re real. They’re human.

We’ve been sold a very narrow idea of what a “successful” career looks like — one that moves steadily upward, where each role builds on the last, and every step is part of a long-term plan.

But that model doesn’t reflect how most people actually move through work and life. Real careers include pivots, pauses, trial runs, restarts, and reinventions. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your future career is take a role that gives you breathing room now.

It’s not about giving up. It’s about adapting. It’s about recognising that your job is not your whole identity — and that stepping into a different role doesn’t undo all the experience, knowledge, and capability you’ve built. Those things don’t disappear. They come with you. They inform the way you show up, even in roles that feel like a poor match or a short-term fix.

And sometimes, in these unexpected roles, we find something new. A different skillset. A renewed confidence. A better understanding of what we want — and what we absolutely don’t want — from our next move. We get clearer about what success means on our own terms.

If you’re in that space right now — working in a job that feels like a career detour or wondering how you got from where you were to where you are. — I want to remind you that this doesn’t define your whole career. It’s a chapter, not the whole story.

Your ambition hasn’t gone away. Your potential hasn’t disappeared. You’re still moving forward — just at your own pace, on your own terms.

There’s no shame in choosing work that fits your life. In fact, it takes a huge amount of strength to make those calls. To say, “This is what I need right now,” even when it looks different from what others expect.

Sometimes the most powerful career moves aren’t the ones that climb the ladder — they’re the ones that honour your values, your time, and your wellbeing. They’re the ones that keep you steady while you figure out what’s next.

And maybe that’s the real question — not What do you do? but Who are you becoming through the work you’re doing now?

Because the path might look different than you expected but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one.

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Pick a Path supports people navigating change, uncertainty, and new career directions. If you're ready to explore what’s next, we’re here when you are.

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